So I must apologise for that last journal. I should have deleted it after all!
The mistake I made was that I wrote a journal that was really me just working things out as I went. That's fine, but I have a 'thought journal' for that, and unloading all that text
on you guys was a misstep on my part.
It makes me even more grateful to those that responded, and I'm glad rotane
had the presence of mind to not read it all. But still, sorry.
It does lead into another topic I wanted to write about. And that's my re-connection with my inner story teller/writer. It's something I once enjoyed ...that depression killed. As it killed a lot of things that would have made me a better person. TeresaClark
said she watches me for the journals, and that's something others have said before too. That actually touches me. Boop. Even though depression killed my capacity to write from my mind, it didn't stop me from writing period and I guess that came through in my journals.
And now that I'm 'awake', I'm turning the Google Doc 'thought journal' into a story of sorts. I wont go into details until I make concrete progress, but I'm basically taking personal events and conflicts and shaping them around a dark space opera kinda setting.
This story has been evolving in my head since I joined dA over a decade ago, but I just never knew what medium to tell it in. Then I found out about Twine
- a framework for making 'non-linear narratives', choose your own adventure books > text adventures > ??? > Twine. It has many features text adventures lacked, and this allows me to do some very interesting things. Hopefully it translates to something people will find stimulating.
I've failed to complete a whole lot of projects on dA, and IRL - small and big. I never could figure out why, or what I could do differently. I couldn't see past the intense feeling of failure and regret, although I did not realise those were the emotions I felt and/or how to respond.
Now that my head is clear I really need to make this work. It's a kinda... licence test for life, if I can't finish this story I feel like I'm fucked. It's a dangerous gamble to put my sense of self on the line like that, but honestly, it's what I deserve if I want to find my place.